We have a winner: Rectal Report Coming Soon

In the meantime... a salute to the primaries.

I approve this message.
I approve this spot.
I can’t prove this message,
But it is all I’ve got.

I supplied this message,
Shelled out for the slot.
It’s all lies, this message,
But it is all I’ve got.

I condone this message.
Though proud of it, I’m not.
I’d disown this message,
But it is all I’ve got.

I approve this message.
Though it’s lies, I will concede.
I would remove this message,
But my rival’s got a lead.

I conceived this message.
It’s all I have to tell you.
If you believe this message,
I got a bridge to sell you.