No. 9: Rush Limbaugh... babel

A RUSH BY ANY OTHER NAME *

'EL RUSHBO,' our nation’s great 'TRUTH DETECTOR,'
'THE MAHA RUSHIE,' our true fact collector,
'THE DOCTOR OF DEMOCRACY,' patriot squad,
Bequeathed to his Dittoheads 'TALENT FROM GOD.'

He said, “I have brought some new names for our friends,
“We will call Patrick Leahey 'SENATOR DEPENDS.'
“And there's, 'BELA PELOSI... MS. AMERICA, QUEEN BEE...'
“John Edwards, 'THE BRECK GIRL,' as seen on TV.

“There's 'OSAMA OBAMA;' Harry Reid’s 'DINGY HARRY,'
“And 'THE FRENCHURIAN CANDIDATE,' our 'JEAN-FRANCOIS KERRY,'
“'SANDY BURGLAR,' 'SHEETS BYRD' and 'MAUREEN AL-DOWD,
“And 'DAN BLATHER,' of the 'BLAME AMERICA CROWD.'

“And 'MRS. BILL CLINTON,' I haven’t forgotten,
“She's 'NURSE RATCHED,' or just 'HILLARY RODHAM-ROTTEN,'
“With husband 'SLICK WILLIE,' our 'PHILANDERER-IN-CHIEF,'
“Plus 'DUNG HEAP HARKIN!' We’ll give them such grief.

“In every exchange, use those names in rebukes,
“We’ll beat the FEMNAZIS, the WACKOS and KOOKS.”
Then through the cheers, from a source not in view,
Came a voice, “What if somebody gives nicknames to you you?”

“’'THREE-WIFE,' 'MR. AMERICA,' or maybe 'LEFT EAR,'
“'RUSH al-IMONY' or 'TRIPLEWIDE REAR.'
“'OSAMA LIMBAMA,' or 'OXYCON-TRAILS,'
“'RUSH HUDSON RICH-SON,' or 'MRS. ROGER AILES.'

“'DUNG HEAP LIMBAUGH!' Would that make sense?
“If we seek to make honest discussion commence?
“’Cause names are like guns on a firing squad,
“And what if they fired on Talent from God?”

The crowd went quiet, El Rushbo grew red.
“We’ll have more tomorrow,” the talk show host said.
And as both sides named names, instead of debate,
Could anyone ponder our ultimate fate?

*Names Rush has used on his shows.